Please Help My GoFundMe for Health Expenses, to Help Me Recover!

(Update: 12/20.  Please help!  It is almost Christmas. All donations will be used for my health recovery.)

(Update: 10/14.  Ok we’re at $100! See below new blog post dated to post below this one.  I review the new movie Conclave)

If you’ve benefited from this blog in the past, please consider helping my fundraiser for health care, health related expenses, to help with my recovery from somatic pain disorder.  Please consider it as an Advent penitential practice through almsgiving to someone who right now is very poor and in need. Please share on social media and with friends and family.  

Click on the link to donate, and you’ll see a photo of me and my IRL name!  Will post updates here. 

CLICK HERE 

FOR

FUNDRAISER:

My Road to Health Recovery

(I will leave this up at the top of the blog 

for a while.  When I write a new post, I will date it to still post below this post)

My Review of the New Movie Conclave

I watched it last night.  The acting, story line, and cinematography were very good.  I was engaged the entire film. It does good to show the beauty and order of the Vatican structure and conclave process, to communicate the gravity of the papal office and Apostolic See.  There are positive messages about the need for prayer, honesty, integrity, and observing the law.  

That said, it is a typical Hollywood screed against tradition vs progressive reform.  The Dean of the conclave preaches the need for doubt and to set aside certainty, while leaching tolerance.  It does not sound like the Gospel, but liberal humanism.  After all the hyper ambitious machinations of cardinals to elect their popular candidate, in the end they are moved to elect a quiet unknown Latino Cardinal, a missionary fighting social injustice in the third world, who…spoiler alert…turns out to be some kind of hermaphrodite, born with a female reproductive system.  It is a bow to the LQBTQ ideology and more generally relativism. The one Cardinal standing for a restoration of tradition is depicted as a racist, self-serving, and arrogant. 

In conclusion, Mel Gibson should one day make films showing the modernist and progressivist reality in the post-conciliar Vatican, and the need to return to the Church’s sacred tradition which has nourished saints since the Apostles. 

Please Help with $$ for Extended Peaceful Retreat

My goal is to return to my level of somatic pain symptoms in September.  I was showing signs of an impending full recovery after visiting the body of, and praying to the saintly Sr. Wilhelmina.  If I’m at those low level symptoms I can keep going upward to full recovery to return to work and normal life,

To do so at this point, I need to get away from things causing high stress, to destress in a major way. Basically a friendly environment, stabilized sleep schedule, three healthy meals a day, an environment conducive to prayer, meditation, and recollection, where I can be in nature, working my daily routine of recovery.

That leaves the following: an inpatient mental health facility, monastery, retreat house or alternative.  There are inpatient facilities that aren’t like a psychiatric hospital for suicidal people, but to address any mental health issue, and my condition  of somatic pain disorder is mainly psychological, but these are extremely expensive. 

Retreat centers only offer scheduled group retreats, and I’ve already contacted seven monasteries which either did not respond, were too expensive (Subiaco in AR = $125/day mandatory), or could not accommodate a longer stay.

That leaves me with no other choice than to go to a vacation style environment that meets the criteria, for as cheap as possible.  I’ve never been into cruises, but per day they are actually cheap and a very stable environment.  I think I could benefit comparably spiritually and psychologically from sitting on an open air ship deck contemplating the sunset praying Vespers from the Little Office, joining the wholesome group activities, and using the gym and spa services covered by the cruise cost.  As fantastic as it sounds, my research has landed me on this option.

You can literally take a two week cruise for $1000, which is $2000 for one month. Based on recent partial remissions of symptoms, I suspect this would work.

However, cruises are mostly booked up this time of year, plus airfare to the ports is high  If this does not work, the next best thing is an extended vacation near a beach in warm weather, eating cheap eats, and finding a cheap Air BnB.  Round trips to Puerto Rico are actually cheap right now, and I can get an Air BnB near the beach.  There is a Franciscan monastery and convent nearby, I could visit to ask for spiritual counsel and support, to eat wit them on occasion paying a stipend, and attend their liturgy of the hours.  There is one weekly TLM plus a weekly Byzantine rite.  Thinking to find a hostel where the owner takes mercy on me (since I would be paying them after all), and guides me daily in activities with support.  Could do a month there for $2000, much cheaper than if in the states.

Hopefully this will destress my brain enough to help me emerge out of the nerve and muscle pain that is debilitating, and mainly psychological.  Just a week ago for one day I was nearly symptom free but then it all came back.  So I have hope. 

I started this daily post about 20 minutes ago, but about 10 minutes in I thought of begging for financial help from readers.  My wife barely pays the bills and I am unable to work. My mom is in a fixed income, and what savings she has is for a new roof so she doesn’t lose her house insurance.

Basically I would need $2000 or more for this. I could start a GoFundMe, but that would mean using my legal name vs my online name, which affords me a much needed anonymity considering my topics and profession. But I may still do that since the need outweighs the need for anonymity, plus eventually I could privatize the fundraiser separate from the blog. 

In the meantime, is there any reader who is of the means to help me? Or one of you who knows someone with that means?  If someone will sponsor this, I can send you updates with pics and video on my recovery.  I will pray for you and yours long term.  

Also, if you have any alternative ideas, please let me know. 

If you can help, please text my wife at 918-282-6480, or email her at paixzafra@yahoo.com  I can provide a letter from my doctor verifying my condition and current inability to work, as well as references from priests as character references. 

New Beginning in Life

 I turn 50 in a month. I’m starting over in my life.  Have already been doing so for many months like a transition.  I’m shedding the ugly memories of very difficult, hurtful people in my life, and healing from that trauma. I grew up in a very abusive home. As a result I unconsciously was drawn to narcissistic people, and they to me ever since. The pattern of abuse became severe in my adulthood, even though, generally speaking, I was hard working, responsible, law obeying, consistently diligent in my career track doing what one does that should normally result in success, and a devoted Catholic, never falling away from the Church or backsliding into an immoral lifestyle. I am not without sun or mistakes, but the above is the God’s honest truth. The modern world as such hates people like me, and with the trauma from my family, it was always an uphill battle. 

In 2017, under extreme stress, a mild back injury resulting in extreme pain because of the stress, plus working full time and in my last semester of physical therapy school, and a strange nerve injury across my face causing even more extreme pain, I broke out in severe nerve and muscle pain through all four limbs, fatigue, and weakness in about one minute. It took the better part of a year to rule out serious physical illness and totally recover, returning to physical therapy school graduating top of my class, excelling in my clinicals.

My first two therapy jobs they literally tried to force me to participate in fraud.  The second job they tried to get me to coverup for an orthopedic surgeon apparently botching a hip replacement surgery.  The third job, in our small department of a homosexual manager, lesbian supervisor, and another lesbian, they frequently bashed conservative Christians, told sex jokes including in front of patients, and the two lesbians often when I was in the room told passive aggressive penis jokes.  When I politely asked it to stop, they retaliated. I then reported it to HR and that they frequently work six hours a day charting eight hours of patient treatment. The result was they took me off the schedule and then called me and fired me. First time in my life being fired. I asked why, was told because I’m not fitting in and its my word verses their word. The therapist they replaced me with was a transgender. I got unemployment but the EEOC lady interviewing me about my discrimination complaint, whose permission I needed to legally sue, literally told me they had a right to prefer LGBTQ people and made my complaint out to be frivolous. She was bigoted and broke the law since no company, unless they have special status, can do what they did. In hindsight, I should have escalated it to her supervisor and demanded a different investigator.

This was during a severe shortage of therapy jobs due to the pandemic and a period of Medicare reform causing major, temporary cuts in reimbursement.  It was a very trying period. 

After that period, the stress was still so high and chronic, I became very sick with GI symptoms, with symptoms suggesting possible colon cancer.  This took over me and the stress became so bad what happened in 2017 happened all over again suddenly, one morning waking to nerve and muscle pain through my whole body.  That was early May, 2023.  I had to rule out again all over again serious physical illness like MS, but had extreme difficulty getting help, with malpractice from providers. It has been the hardest battle of my life. 

Last September almost all symptoms went away most of the month, but right after I was assaulted by a guy committing road rage, who tried to break my window, and seriously injury me, at the scene all my symptoms returned to severe to this day.  I was forced to switch counselors, and to start pursuing lawsuits. My life is in an extremely difficult state, high pains levels, inability to work, next to zero support. 

But I pray daily and frequent the sacraments. A week ago for a whole day I had almost no pain,,which reinforced hope of eventual recovery. 

But that means forgiving all the narcissistic abuse from my past, and creating a boundary between myself and those people, which means either great distance or no contact.  I hope to recover soon, but know it will take years of concentrated healing.

As for the naysayer a-holes who would read and doubt any of this, then you are wasting your time idly reading this blog.  Find something else to read.

Otherwise I trust most readers here will understand and I ask please you to pray for my recovery. 

My new life involves taking special care of my mental and physical health, finding an authentic social support system even if it is very small and not always with Catholics are or as conservative as myself. God willing I am able to return to physical therapy and devote myself to helping patients rehabilitate their life. 

Would like to live one day a quiet, healthy, peaceful life in the mountains.  Maybe it will happen.

God’s will be done.

My Deportation Plan

Immediately send all the criminals and anti-Americans back. Then create deportation centers in every city. Mandate illegals to register there.  New illegals will be deported. Others here for so many years stay.  

Threaten nations of origin with tariffs, cutting foreign aid,, etc, to make them create sanctuary cities within their country.  They and the Democrats pay for them. Allow certain American factories there to provide jobs, but only a select few. Encourage small to medium size businesses owned locally.  ASAP create the infrastructure.  

Then fly or bus the illegal back to that new sanctuary city in their country.  If the illegal does not comply or register, arrest and deport them to their nation but not to the new city.  This would require master planning at the highest levels, but if little old me can envision this, then certainly PhD’s in economics and immigration, onboard with a Trump/MAGA plan like this can figure it out. 

With Vance etc, later over time elevate the conditions in Latin America, in conformity with what you and I believe, about Catholic teaching on government and the economy.  There is hope, with, thanks be to God, the re-election of Trump. 

No Christmas Til Christmas

Advent customs and some winter themes.  Otherwise, let's wait until Christmas for Christmas.  Keep the gifts very modest.  Focus on the Reason for the Season.  We put up the tree the first Sunday of Advent, like a winter decoration, and then decorate it Christmas Eve.  Egg nog is okay on Sundays in Advent.  Or apple cider.

Pope Francis: Please Give the SSPX Permission to Consecrate New Bishops

The two remaining bishops are stretched thin. SSPX Faithful need bishops they can trust to confirm their children, and ordain priests theologically formed in Tradition. If you do not allow this, they will still go forward with it. 1988 all over again. A major setback on relations between the Society, the bishops, and the Vatican.  You and your predecessor have already made it crystal clear the SSPX is not in schism. Also, maybe you could just go ahead and give full canonical regularization. :)

Thank You Joe Rogan

Per Traditional Catholic and genius political analyst Steve Bannon, Rogan helped Trump win by interviewing Trump and later Vance.  I think he’s right.  The trend of long format podcast discussions has become critical to political action. 

And I can say this not being a fan of Joe Rogan personally, or most of his podcast.  I object to Rogan using his podcast to bash the Catholic Church, his woke attitudes about religion, his philosophy of masculinity that amounts to social Darwinism and machismo as absolutes.  He uses drugs on the air, and can’t stop using the Lord’s name in vain. 

But this man might be the reason Trump won, or at least so hugely, in addition to Elon Musk’s contribution despite his own secularistic, atheistic flaws.  These are truth tellers and freedom fighters.  Who would have thought. 

I Am a Liberal

A classic liberal, and also a conservative. 

Conservativism among some Catholics has become practically their religion so much so they could not understand how one can be a classical liberal and also a conservative. 

A conservative believes in conserving tradition, custom, traditional identity, national identity, traditional biblical, natural law morality, the family, and the central role of Church and religion in public society. 

A classical liberal is one who champions the rights of individuals and families, especially those most vulnerable, the truly oppressed, poor, uneducated, sick, disabled, elderly, children, and any ordinary man in so far as his dignity and rights have been trampled upon by those in power or with higher social status.  

The Democratic Party once was authentically the party for the vulnerable and oppressed.  In fact, if the pre-1960’s version of the Democratic Party still existed, I’d be a member of it, 

This is why I am not a Republican nor a Democrat.  I cannot be a Democrat because that party today promotes secularism, abortion, socialistic approaches to government, LGBTQ ideology, and in general post-modernism and cultural Marxism.

But I cannot be a Republican because it favors monopoly, liberal, crony capitalism, which creates a culture that oppresses the vulnerable, and imposes a dark, rigid, materialist system of values.

And odds are if you’re reading this, you probably fit more into the category of the vulnerable than that of the elites.

The popes long before Vatican II were classical liberals, by the way, such as Pope Leo XIII.

I also share some culturally liberal, that is progressive, values.  I belief in a modest amount of free expression and diversity of approaches to things like dress, hairstyle, music, or lifestyle, as long as they are in accord with the moral law and uphold the tradition of Western, Christian civilization.  I reject 1950sism that would have all of us conforming to the American lifestyle of the 1950’s, much different than traditionally Catholic cultures of Europe and colonized parts of the world, that are more moderate, colorful, and expressive.   Wearing a dark suit and tie, with a short style haircut, or Victorian/British attitudes towards etiquette, does not equate to a proper, mandatory Catholic lifestyle.  When done authentically it is legitimate; when imposed it amounts to social tyranny.

So when I go to a TLM and see a man wearing a light blue suit, I applaud him for being himself . 

I believe in a modest degree of freedom. If you want to just wear a polo shirt to Mass, practice more of a traditionally European approach to money, property, and lifestyle, verses the standard Americanist, liberal capitalist approach, which is really more Protestant than Catholic, or if you want to exercise your right to respectfully use freedom of speech to speak out about modernist corruption in the hierarchy, in so far as that ultimately degrades the dignity of Catholics to practice the Faith in an unadulterated way, then I defend those legitimate rights. 

Those are the rights rightfully promoted by classical liberalism.

Every good Catholic should at least in principle be a classical liberal and shun Americanist, Puritanical values that are fundamentally Protestant. 

Happy Sunday. 

Zelensky Still Instigating World War

That is the Elites pulling his puppet strings.  It is 52 days until Trump can officially end the war from the White House.  Yer they want nothing more than world war. Now Zelensky says he’ll stop the war if Ukraine becomes a NATO state.  Yet he and the world knows that means for Russia an act of war against Russia, which would trigger Russia to retaliate.  In the end I think peace will prevail (right now) by means of Trump, but there will still be battles to bring it all to an end. Trump stands in their way. I hope the first thing Trump does in the Oval Office is fire the traitor leading the Secret Service, quadrupling its size.  And give JD Vance as much power and leadership as the constitution will allow, to make him ready to lead the helm if they finally assassinate Trump. 

One day soon there will be a reckoning, good family entertainment to watch when it all finally goes down, a civics lesson in truth and justice. Fly your Trump flags in the front yard the next four years, because that is what Trump symbolizes. Truth and justice. 

My Russia Peace Plan

1. A Treaty between the US, NATO, Ukraine, and Russia.

2. Agree to end the war.  Immediate retreat of troops on both sides, Russian forces back to Russia, Ukrainian forces leave the Donbas and Crimea.

3. Ukraine agrees to never become a member of NATO.

4. The Donbas and Crimea become a part of Russia.

5. NATO agrees to never again make another country a part of NATO.

6. The US closes all military bases in east Europe, withdrawing all troops and weaponry. 

7. Russia agrees to never attempt to take any country in East Europe including Poland and the Baltic states. 

8. Both sides will withdraw forces and weaponry near the borders of Russia except for basic forces for border security. 

9. NATO countries will rebuild the infrastructure and social structure of Ukraine.

10. Russia will assist reconstruction, and make a formal apology for how the USSR once treated Ukraine.  This will also include proportional reparations. 

11. Zelensky and his cronies will be brought to trial for crimes against humanity, instigating world war, and financial corruption, found guilty, and given the death sentence in the form of televised public hanging.

Focus on Francis is a Mistake

Yes, the papacy is central to upholding the Faith and ending the Crisis.  Archbishop Vigano, Bishop Gracida, et al make reasonable arguments Bergoglio was not validly elected, that should be a fair discussion. And Francis is arguably the worst pope in Church history.  What he is doing cries out to God for His vengeance. And one day a reckoning will come for the modernists continuously scandalizing the Church. 

But focus on the person of Francis and his particular errors and scandals is the wrong focus.  Our Lord has is focus on God, the Faith itself, the beauty of the Church, and sanctification. 

Make the distinction between the current conciliar pope and the new religion of modernism/liberalism that has invaded the Church. Attention about the Crisis should be on the whole, the errors of this new religion, contrasted to pre-conciliar papal teaching and tradition. The rest is income-driven clickbait. 

The Extent of Cultural Narcissism

If there is one thing I agree with Ann Barnhardt about is her view that the central moral evil of the modern West is narcissism.  In fact, she dislikes it so much she calls it diabolical narcissism and has video lectures about it.

Not long ago I read an excellent book called The Narcissism Epidemic: Living in the Age of Entitlement, written by two PhD’s in psychology who devoted their career to researching narcissism.  Their thesis is that beyond the small percentage of people who suffer from full blown Narcissistic Personality Disorder, or similar personality disorders exhibiting the dark triad traits, narcissistic traits have become wide and common due to the culture, in what they identified as cultural narcissism. 

In the US at least, it is nearly everywhere, and it affects the majority of people, including practicing, believing Catholics. It’s basically a moral virus that has spread everywhere like an epidemic.  Hyper focus on beauty, health, self-esteem, financial success, and social status, while downplaying faith, values, social morality, and individual morality.  

Basically, it is the predominant face of the contemporary culture acting as a bully to those who are not narcissists or overtly narcissistic.  That dynamic plays out everywhere, in the family, between friends, the market place, the work place, and even at church.  

At church that would morph into a religious or spiritual narcissism, the kind Christ condemned in the Pharisees.

What is the solution?  Unfortunately, unless you want to become assimilated to or conform to cultural narcissism, and if you highly value authenticity, simplicity, and genuine relationships, then that means retreat from the mainstream, even the mainstream of church circles most of the time. 

The fundamental problem of narcissism is a deep level of pride, vanity, and willingness to be unjustly mean when they deem it expedient to their interests.

People who know me well, including me through this blog, know this is a pet peeve, not something I personally fall into as a habit, despite my own admitted bad habits. It is nearly impossible to escape the pervasiveness of this dynamic, and unless you’re willing to sell a piece of your soul, if not all of it, it requires heroic levels of perseverance and persistence to endure and deal with.

For as narcissistic as Trump is, more in a non-malicious way, he is actually on the receiving end of narcissism as a politician.  The elites that have opposed him are narcissistic bullies with far greater wealth, power, and social standing than him. But unlike them, Trump stands out as at least authentic and sincere, the victim of an incredible degree of bullying by the elites.  So much so they’ve tried putting him unfairly in prison, and assassinating him, because he is anti-establishment, and pro-nationalism.

If you’re reading this, odds are you like these pages, and therefore share my experience and objections to narcissism. 

If you’re in the tiny few who disagree because you might suffer from narcissism or narcissistic traits, then hear me out.  It is a psychological disorder that can be treated through counseling, or at least practicing self-awareness.  Are you proud and vain, prone to look down on plain ordinary people, or people struggling in this life, and treat them as inferior for that?  

The solution is to go to confession, confess those sins, repent, and try and stop being proud and vain, and commit to the principle that charity is always required in every single situation with people.  It not only hurts others greatly, it hurts yourself in the long run.  You can chalk it up to the times we live in and cultural narcissism, and give it up.

The Problem of Rigorism

I’ve been posting a lot the last few days.  Writing is very cathartic. I highly encourage Catholics to write a Catholic blog, in whatever format or scope you choose. It has a similar effect to writing a journal, though shared with others.  

Marcus Aurelius, one of the great ancient philosophers, wrote daily journals, published after his death.  Since we are told to pray constantly, and since as St. Thomas says all life should be oriented to contemplation, then, in the spirit of St. Joseph who fused perfectly contemplative prayer with his active life, so we can make all activity meditative, oriented directly or indirectly to divine truth. 

That is what I attempt here, as much to benefit my mind and soul, as that of the reader.

I am simultaneously aware of the dangers of the modern world, which includes modernism engulfing the mainstream of the Church, and rigorism within those elements of the Church most faithful to orthodoxy and orthopraxis.  That is right belief and right religious practice. When you have managed to disentangle yourself from the Novus Ordo, that is the modernist New Order way of things in the Church, the remaining enemy is, in my experience, rigorism. 

Sometimes loosely called Jansenism or Phariseesism or Fundamentalism, for lack of better terms.  For me, I think Rigorism is the best, least-triggering term. It is a phenomenon already condemned by name by the Magisterium and traditional theology. 

Rigorism is the attitude that the strict approach is always preferred to a moderate approach, whether that refers to dress, mannerisms, personality, fiscal responsibility, any form of responsibility, amount of time in external daily devotion, and how strict you treat the non-rigorist.  The more moderate approach is then treated as laxity and lukewarmness. It is one extreme failing to see the middle because of an extreme focus on the other extreme.

Rigorism in the Church sometimes takes the somewhat true philosophy of Ancient Rome, in particular that of the Spartans and the Stoics, as if those systems of philosophy are revealed doctrine, when in fact they are philosophies not revealed truth, with many flaws.  Christianity only takes certain truths from these philosophies to help live the Christian life, for practical aids in self-discipline. For example, Stoicism helps create a daily schedule of discipline, and a calm mind. 

But what contemporary rigorists are essentially doing is importing social Darwinism from contemporary society, which is evil and false, especially if they are a convert or revert, also confusing it with ancient wisdom, which becomes distorted, and creating a rigoristic approach to religion and morality. They believe it is somehow the proper Catholic teaching, when in fact it is nothing more than their own warped ideology. 

Social Darwinism is evil and false for every reason Darwinism is evil and false: it is materialist, survivalistic, oppressive, unjust, and contrary to what Christ taught in the Gospels, as in the Beatitudes. It is the ideology of the bully and the narcissist.

Lastly, it isn’t easy to argue what is or isn’t rigorism when bishops and priests today, including the faithful ones, do not uniformly or commonly explain when an idea or practice is that of Rigorism. But I would argue that a Catholic with a well developed sense of faith and common sense can easily detect it. 

That is not so much to say I myself am that person, but that we should be aware of Rigorism and learn how to detect it.

One medicine for this, besides reading what Christ taught in the Gospels, is to read St. Thomas’ Treatise on Virtue, and everything to do with morality.  He says all virtue stands in the middle between extremes, through the Via Media, or Middle Way.  

That was and is the way of Our Lord Jesus Christ. 

What is Forgiveness?

Forgiveness: one of the central precepts of our Faith.  What is it?  What is it not?  For me, part  of my spiritual journey towards holiness as of late has been working on forgiveness of past and present enemies. Yet, I find the subject somewhat paradoxical and not always having clear teaching from theology or priests.  Some will go so far as to confuse forgiveness with reconciliation; others will restrict it to forgiving the repentant only.

First, what is it?  Forgiveness is releasing your enemy from a certain debt owed to you, immoderate anger and bitterness, and temptation to immoderate anger and bitterness.  It means wishing peace and well-being on your enemy, and ultimately eternal life for them.  The purpose is maintaining peace on Earth between people, including towards our enemies.  

It prevents unnecessary conflict and discord.  But even more, it is a remedy for the pride that rises up in us due to original sin as a result of injustice.  It heals us of trauma and harm done to us on lower levels, and it keeps the soul healthy and balanced even in the center of extreme persecution.  Ultimately, it is for preserving or gaining holiness in the face of persecution.  It benefits the most the victim.

Second, what is it not?  It does not always mean releasing legal debts collected through law and legal authority, or to avoid legal punishment.  Sometimes the enemy causes a level of harm that requires properly submitted formal grievances to proper authority, for the sake of punishment and restitution.  And that authority and process under the law does not always directly involve secular or church government, while it does indirectly and potentially, but natural authorities and social processes sanctioned by law.

There is in contrast a debt we cannot collect, which we must forgive or release the enemy from, otherwise it would mean seeking revenge, but God Himself, rest assured, collects that debt, not us.  Forgiveness also does not mean forgetting the essential injustices of the past to prevent them from happening again, and to others.  It does not mean reconciliation unless the enemy is repentant, and even then prudence dictates if there should be reconciliation, which is more obligatory between spouses or other family members, but even then severe circumstances can dictate keeping a permanent distance.

Forgiveness can be distinguished between an act towards the repentant vs. the unrepentant.  You must always forgive everyone, but not in the sense of reconciliation unless the enemy apologizes and makes amends.  God does not forgive the unrepentant sinner of their sin, just as the priest is taught to withhold absolution if the penitent appears without remorse.  

When someone is guilty of mortal sin, they break the relationship with God, and God then withdraws friendship until they repent.  We imitate this by not pretending to be friends with false friends who are enemies in disguise.  But true forgiveness is a choice to be disposed to immediately accept an apology once sincerely given, even from the worst of enemies. It is a choice to be ready for that if it ever happens, even though in this heartless, unrepentant, proud age, true repentance and reconciliation is not commonplace, whether it is a person reconciling to God, or to the person they injured.  

It is moral relativism that has blurred the moral precepts and malformed consciences to be blind to sin.  Not only the more easy to identify sins of the flesh, such as fornication or drunkenness, but sins of the spirit, in pride, rash judgment, slander, detraction, calumny, envy, or wrath.  Pride itself can make a person blind or indifferent to the fact they commit those sins.  So the task of forgiveness, and ideally reconciliation on some level, can be very complex.

Forgiveness is both spiritual and psychological.  The former needs to be immediate or quick, to avoid falling into the sin of unforgiveness which can damn the soul if grave.  But the latter takes time, often years when the injustices were serious, over years, between family members or close friends, that is the closer the relationship.  It takes a process of healing, the main purpose to heal the mind from past trauma caused by the enemy. And if psychological forgiveness takes time, that is not sinful.

This takes practice I am learning to make a better habit.  The goal is "holy forgetfulness" in which you learn over time to forget the traumatic emotions and nitty gritty details of past traumatic events.  Over time those disappear from the unconcious, subconscious, and conscious mind.  At most what is left are the bare basic facts of the past for self-protection. Daily meditation to achieve this is the remedy.

I hope this helps.  It comes from traditional Catholic sources.  And these are details I have achieved clarity about only recently, at least more clarity.  And that is as much as I can say about that because, as I said, forgiveness is a paradox.  A holy, positive paradox, but nonetheless a paradox. Yet still, we are called to endlessly forgive until we die, as a requirement for salvation.

Ascension Health IS NOT Catholic

Technically it is, in so far as it is allowed by the Catholic Church to identify as a Catholic institution. But in reality, it is not.  The bishop of Tulsa, of every diocese, should forbid Ascension from continuing to use the term Catholic, and the government should forbid it from claiming non-profit, tax exempt status.  

That is my argument in this post.

I myself contacted a Wisconsin senator on record for saying Ascension is abusing its faith-based, non-profit status, really acting like a for-profit institution, in a corrupt way, violating its Christian mission statement. The senator themselves responded to me that this continues to be the case. 

Ascension IS NOT a Catholic institution.

Of course the argument can be made that since the conciliar modernization of the Church, since the 1960’s, nearly every Catholic institution has become reduced down to the banal and worldly.  Having been born in the post-modern era, I’ve heard many times the claim that Catholic hospitals are no longer Catholic, only in name only. 

Ascension is the 4th largest business that owns hospitals in the US.  The Wikipedia article on it describes it as a corrupt business with “profiteering over patient care” practices, citing several scandals to demonstrate that.  

Per the article, its CEO makes more than any CEO of a non-profit business in the US, something like $13 Million a year.  For sitting behind a desk running a “Catholic” hospital system.  Executives and upper management, per the article, are suggested to be making disproportionate salaries.  

Therefore, by all appearances, those running Ascension appear to be using its status as a Catholic non-profit as a Facade, to in reality fill their pockets with gold and silver meant for the poor and needy, the service of which is part of the very mission Christ gave to the Church (i.e. the Works of Mercy, which are salvific).

I know local Catholics who nearly lost their job when Ascension, even before Biden, forced its employees to take the clot shot, which is clear as day now to be deadly.  They also resisted taking it since it was being forced on them, and due to its connection to baby murder.  

Ascension, which claims to be Catholic, forced its employees, including devout, orthodox Catholics to take an experimental vaccine connected to abortion, when the pope himself even said in one of his statements it should be optional, not mandatory.  

Ascension went against the pope and Catholic teaching. 

The first time I heard of Ascension was during an internship at another hospital, from people in the department basically complaining that St. John’s hospital was being acquired by Ascension.  They knew more than me. But they had already heard negative things about Ascension, and were afraid St. John’s would lose what Catholic identity it had left as a Faith-based, non-profit institution.   

Since then, I’ve had an impression of Ascension being like The Borg in Star Trek, gobbling up local Catholic hospitals making them corrupt.

If Ascension is in your diocese, or if you’re in my own Tulsa diocese, wherever you are, call or email your bishop and voice your concerns about Ascension.  Urge them to reconsider if Ascension is truly Catholic.

Because it is not. 

By the way, it is difficult to promote truth and justice in this day and age publicly, especially when people know your identity. Invariably, that poses a risk that most cannot take.

Hence the power of the blog using a pen name   Here I am able to say things many good priests would like to say from the pulpit, but feel they can’t without being persecuted.  

At least through this format, the truth is proclaimed publicly, though I can tell you even using a pen name is no guarantee of being free from retaliation.

At any rate, as far as Catholic health care goes, it seems to rest in the hands of Catholic health care workers at the individual level, or Catholic doctors who run their practice in a Catholic way.  

Suffering, including severe illness, is a part of human society to save souls, so in the end it has an eternal purpose.  

Hopefully one day at least in my diocese St. John’s will return to ownership by a religious order, run like Sr. Teresa (RIP) ran St. John’s back in the day before it was sold to The Borg.  Get back to subsidiarity and local ownership, that is the Catholic way according to papal teaching. 

Imitate the original Catholic hospitals and other Catholic health care institutions that arose during the Middle Ages, in their focus on bringing Christ’s mercy to the sick and dying, ultimately for the salvation of souls.  

And not mammon.

Carmelites in Texas

The ones fighting for Catholic Tradition against persecution, forbidden the TLM. They are now under the SSPX, praise God.  Some might not agree with that, but I defend it, come what may. 

I don’t know all the details, so the Sisters may not have been always saintly in their response, or maybe they were, but I trust they did not cause the division.  Some might point their puritanical little finger at the mother superior for her alleged indiscretions, or accuse them of schism.  

In defense of them, everyone deserving defense, the mother superior has suffered from grave illness, extreme pain, being heavily medicated. Their intentions are pure, to be free of liberalism and modernism in the way they are governed, their liturgy, and prayer life.  

There is a state of necessity to be under the SSPX, despite the fact it itself is not a perfect institution.  The Church continues to be in a deep Crisis everywhere, saying so, to help others escape to sound ground, to preserve their faith, is hardly a disordered sadness or anger.  

Hence the need for blogs like this.  No priest outside of the SSPX or the like would publicly say what I’m saying here.  What was done to these good Sisters demands justice.  In the meantime at least they can enjoy the peace provided for by the Society, founded by the saintly Archbishop Lefebvre. 

And I think at this point most laity who attend the FSSP or Institute or the like, if they hear all the facts, would quietly agree, there is no other practical solution, besides being dissolved. The way things keep unfolding under the current Establishment, the more people see the reality. 

What is positive about this is a Carmelite convent, not to mention on a beautiful property, has joined the traditional movement officially, resisting conciliar modernism and upholding Catholic Tradition. These women are great examples of brave souls.  Just imagine the possibilities for their future, as a beacon of Tradition, and the first traditional Carmelite convent in the US.  Another option for young women discerning a religious vocation.  

Thoughts on Election Results

Praise be to God.  Despite all the flaws of Trump and the GOP, God is on their side.  A line has been drawn in the sand.  On one side stands secularists, leftists, socialists, and communists.  On the other side stands Trump, most of the policies of the GOP, and the MAGA movement.  A political  and culture war has been waged on our country, and literally one man is standing up to it.  His strength is the fact he is not controlled by special interests.  

Had Kamala won, for me that would have been a message from heaven of chastisement, to expect an escalation of that chastisement at the level of our nation and the world.  World war, the Great Reset, tyranny, more abortion on demand, woke LGBTQism forced on children, etc. 

But Trump won.  While the rainbow has been co-opted by the left to symbolize one of the greatest of sins, imagine a symbolic rainbow across the skies of our nation right now, symbolizing God’s mercy, His love and protection, and the promise of increased freedom (ie in the proper Catholic sense of the word), prosperity, and peace. 

I anticipate Trump brings the war in Ukraine and the Middle East to an end.  That he exacts a justified, responsible, campaign of legal retribution, i.e. legal justice, on behalf of us all, against those who planned the covid tyranny, the 2020 Coup, the ongoing persecution of J6ers, the ensuing socialist tyranny against The People, not to mention the unprecedented armada of malicious prosecutions of Trump for daring to challenge The Steal and run again.  

Through legal recourse, depending on legitimate authority, all of which represents the authority of God, and comes from God, that diabolical narcissism will be punished, and peace and dignity restored, to some extent. It will be a glorious celebration of truth over lies, of justice over injustice, of the common good over privatized interests of the oligarchic elites.  

This will all be symbolized the day the J6ers are pardoned, and their patriotism is celebrated at the White House.  That will be a sight to be seen.  A day for the history books. 

This victory of the White House, Senate, and Congress is an act of Divine Mercy from God. I don’t see that so much as an act of mercy to a nation repenting, but a temporary reprieve to set some of us at least on the right path of faith and godliness. 

On a personal level, I take this as a divine sign for my own life of God’s mercy, expecting a better future in the foreseeable future at least in part from expected changes: decreasing food and gas prices, housing, interest rates, inflation, etc.  A little more breathing room to express my freedom of speech, here, in my neighborhood, and the workplace, to promote Christian morals, the Catholic Faith, and the preservation of Catholic tradition vs. modernism.  

Political correctness, pacifism, and Orwellian group think will fade even more, giving rise to even more truth tellers and freedom fighters. The populist aspect of Trump-MAGA is breaking through much of the tyranny in real time before our very eyes.  Players on both sides of the aisle, uniting on populist, common good ideals and principles. People like RFK, Jr.

To push back on big government, the surveillance state, the global American neocon war machine, wokism, feminaziism, and the like.

So I’m very thankful. God answered our prayers.  He is giving the US and world a period of Mercy.  Let’s use it for the best, to build up our homes and communities, to exercise our divine rights to stability and some degree of prosperity, in accord with our nature being made in the image and likeness of God.  To, God willing, strengthen ourselves even more spiritually, psychologically, and materially for a foretold future great chastisement.  We’ve been given a short period to rest and rejuvenate, to prepare for the future battle. 

Break open the champagne bottles.  Sing divine praises these next few months. In thanksgiving for this undeserved blessing from God.

Vote! Especially If You’re in a Swing State

It may be very close, down to a small margin. If you’re in a swing state, and inclined not to vote, for the love of God and country, please go vote!  

Get your neighbor, mailman, cousin, second cousin, and the cashier down at the grocery store to vote, and for Trump!  

The leftists are no doubt attempting The Steal 2.0, which would spiral the country even deeper into the abyss of socialism and godlessness, and bring us into world war.  

We’ve got two days left, today and tomorrow.  And offer up your prayers and sacrifices right now Trump is re-elected.  

This is the Only Catholic Blog Written From the Perspective of Oklahoma, and About Catholicism in Oklahoma

Laramie Hirsch took down his blog, which transitioned over the years to speaking primarily about realities relative to the Catholic Faith, and at times relative to the local Church.  From my google search, I'm finding no other Catholic blog left based in Oklahoma, or at all related to the Church here, let alone a traditionalist blog.  

So it seems I am the only Catholic blogger, at least actively so, writing about the Faith to Okies, or from the perspective of being a born and raised Okie.  I would welcome Hirsch to return, if for no other reason than to talk about his astronomy and private revelation interests, of which I benefited the most. I myself cannot seem to stop writing even if I wanted to, it being even hard to take temporary breaks.  It is what it is.  

My goal has always been to log my thoughts on this website format, as an outlet of my faith, values, and personal experiences here in Oklahoma on the ground level, as in an actual blog (web log = blog, after all).  

A kind of pubic journal for the international reader as well, to benefit from meditation on universal truths from the perspective of my concrete life here in the Heartland (the upward dimension of the blog); and then secondarily, to meditate on universal truths as they apply to the historical development of my local Church (the local dimension).  

That remains the mission of The Okie Traditionalist.  Hope you enjoy it. 

Happy Fall weather (P.S. I will tell you a gem -- there is a 2 mile hiking trail around Lake Bixhoma outside Bixby, outside Tulsa, that is very hilly, that would make an excellent Fall hike).

Lake Bixhoma

Outside of Bixby, Suburb of Tulsa