I recently got an email from a reader who is an MD (!) urging me to get a work up of tests to rule out any serious physical illness, based on an August, 2023 post here about my sudden outbreak of nerve and muscle pain etc the summer of 2023.
To exhaust those tests UNLESS I already have.
At this point in my healing journey, it was a pleasure to let him know that YES I have received an exhaustive work up of tests, imaging, and specialists way back, all ruling out any serious physical cause. That resulted in the final confirmation of psychosomatic illness already made by two doctors and a licensed counselor.
It generally begins in chronic stress, past unresolved traumatic events, a perfect storm of events in a short period of time, relatively minor health issues, hypochondria, which itself escalates to severe hypochondria, which causes essentially temporary changes in the deep brain in the basal ganglia and amygdala, resulting in what is caused centralization. External stimuli from the body become very amplified, including stimuli that only your unconscious mind is aware of. This includes pain, fatigue, and weakness, that may be so minimal normally you are not consciously aware of it. But then suddenly there is an outbreak of amplified symptoms.
One version is called conversion disorder, which is a sudden neurological deficit. For example, my neurologist’s brother, himself a doctor, had a bad break up with his girlfriend followed by a sudden paralysis of one leg and urinary incontinence both lasting for some time, until after he himself saw specialists and ruled out a serious physical cause, and coming down from the stress, it eventually resolved. What I am recovering from, psychosomatic disorder, the more current term being somatic symptom disorder, is similar, in that the mechanism is primarily in the brain from extreme stress.
One common presentation of psychosomatic disorder, also called somatic symptom disorder, is a sudden outbreak of nerve and muscle pain in both arms, as well as weak and heavy limbs, extreme fatigue, brain fog, insomnia, and irritable bowel. It’s basically your body’s inflammation dialed up to a conscious and severe state of disabling pain and fatigue.
Fortunately it is reversible. I had this in 2017 and fully recovered, and this time beginning summer of 2023 I’ve shown many times signs and a couple periods of recovery, so I’m confident I will recover, always having to add “God’s will be done.”
But with this disorder, with the sudden outbreak, naturally you need to first seek testing and specialists to rule out physical causes which I did, but it was a long process.And ultimately what is key to recovery is full acceptance of the diagnosis, that it is a practical certainty there is no serious physical cause, but also resigning yourself to the fact it is not an absolute certainty. Given the fact it began with extreme stress and hypochondria, being in that state is challenging to emerge from and to mentally accept it is exclusively or mainly psychological in nature, and to “let go,” when all the while your symptoms feel very real with very real effects in the body.
Such was my quest last summer to work through all my remaining doubts and need for more medical information, doing many deep dives on this condition and the conditions already ruled out, to gain closure. That felt nearly impossible to do, but all things are possible with God, and it was mainly through prayer and miraculous interventions that I reached peace of mind.
I’ve already blogged about the miraculous effects of praying to and visiting the incorrupt body of the saintly Sr. Whilhelmina in Missouri, and plan to blog more about that and other miracles I experienced around the same time. But this post is to share the most profound miracle for me in achieving the peace of mind I was seeking.
Last Spring for four months nearly all my symptoms disappeared for nearly the entire period of four months. However, the condition had stressed my body so much I had very bad sinus allergies that affected my ears including an ear infection that resulted in a perforated ear drum that spiked my very low level tinnitus to a high pitch. Fortunately after a couple months the perforation healed and tinnitus went back to a low level, but I was very stressed out by the high level of tinnitus with fear the new high level would be permanent. That stress was followed by a severe tooth abscess that, despite rounds of antibiotics, and two procedures to complete a root canal, resulted in severe swelling and pain that lasted nearly a month.
It seems because of this extreme stress that all the pain etc returned in early May. The relative peace of mind I had already achieved accepting I was recovering from psychosomatic disorder went out the door, me obsessing again what was causing the relapse of symptoms. Part of my mind still knew it was psychosomatic condition, but the fact it returned caused me to have to examine it all over again for the better part of the summer.
And so it was in August I intensified my prayers, which led to miraculous events.
One day I just left the gym at Ascension St. John’s and felt inspired to go over to the hospital’s adoration chapel to pour my heart out to God. When I had the same outbreak in 2017, it was going to this particular gym at the Catholic hospital, and praying at the hospital’s adoration chapel, that helped me then totally recover. Which is why I returned again, except I realized that day I had not yet gone over to the same chapel. Also, I had already been experiencing what appeared to be divine signs, the first day joining the gym seeing in the locker room the neurologist who told me he did not think I had actual neuropathy or any neurological disease, the second day at the gym seeing my niece who I hadn’t seen in seven years, etc. The day before I was driving out of the hospital complex from the gym and saw again my neurologist walking down the sidewalk.
So that day I felt something (God) pushing me to go to the chapel and make a commitment to formally accept before God the psychosomatic diagnosis and set aside anymore consideration of something else. Up until then I had been praying a perpetual novena to all the saints of healing I could think of, including the saintly Sr. Wilhelmina, the rosary, and a deliverance prayer from demonic oppression and obsession. I went to the chapel, said all three, intensely looking into the tabernacle (this is no longer strictly speaking an adoration chapel since the Blessed Sacrament is no longer exposed, but I still call it that), accepting my diagnosis but asking to be healed, and then got up and walked out. I imagined as I stepped out of that room, that final step represented my final acceptance. Moments later I stepped out of the building, walked down a few stairs, and right in front of a statue of St. Francis holding a lamb, something happened that is impossible to call a mere coincidence. I crossed paths with the doctor who initially one year before told me he thought it was probably a stress response, using the term psychosomatic. The odds of this being a mere coincidence are almost zero. Add to that the fact that had I not been praying these three prayers together already, I would have left the chapel earlier or later. Had I left 15 seconds earlier or later, our paths could not have crossed. Add to this he was working at the family practice office in a suburb, and I hadn’t known he had transferred to the hospital. I almost immediately knew this couldn’t be a coincidence.
Later I was reflecting on this more intensely and drew the connection and obvious meaning of these coinciding events. A) I had been praying for healing, to be released of the obsessions, and to finally accept the somatic diagnosis, before Christ in the tabernacle, and then B) as I left the building I crossed paths with the doctor I had not seen for a year who initially thought it was probably psychosomatic. What were coinciding were A and minutes later B. A was praying for closure, and B was in fact the answer to the prayer, God providing the closure. The divine meaning communicated was that the doctor was correct in what he thought was the probable cause, and that is psychosomatic disorder, and NOT a serious physical condition. This was the Divine Physician giving me the ultimate diagnosis, confirming the final diagnosis, through a miraculous intervention, as an act of mercy, to finally set my mind at ease.
And to confirm this, when I connected the dots clearly between A and B, at that very moment nearly all my symptoms (temporarily) faded away, lifted, and disappeared.
I hope if you’ve read this post this strengthens your faith in the all powerful and all wise God. If you know people dealing with doubt or disbelief, please share this with them.