While I've been blessed over the years with a steady faith in central dogmas of the Catholic Faith like the Trinity, the Incarnation, or the Eucharist, I confess there is one teaching of Christ I've found to be a challenge to understand and follow. That is, how we are to love our Enemies. Not that I doubt what Our Lord taught, or am obstinate in resisting it. It's just a paradoxical mystery that I find hard to square with certain practical realities of this life, while at the same time finding this divine Teaching one of the most sublime and central aspects of Christianity.
From St. Paul to the Romans, 12: 16-21
"Live in harmony of mind, falling in with the opinions of common folk, instead of following conceited thoughts; never give yourselves airs of wisdom.[4] 17 Do not repay injury with injury; study your behaviour in the world’s sight as well as in God’s.[5] 18 Keep peace with all men, where it is possible, for your part. 19 Do not avenge yourselves, beloved; allow retribution to run its course; so we read in scripture, Vengeance is for me, I will repay, says the Lord.[6] 20 Rather, feed thy enemy if he is hungry, give him drink if he is thirsty; by doing this, thou wilt heap coals of fire upon his head.[7] 21 Do not be disarmed by malice; disarm malice with kindness.[8] Be not overcome by evil, but overcome evil by good."Summarizing, vengeance is mine saith the Lord. We are not to avenge ourselves, or to injure the person who injures us. If they sin against us, we cannot sin against them in retaliation. Instead we must keep peace even with our enemies, "where it is possible." When our enemy injures us, we are to help meet his basic needs, like the need for food.
Okay, I can do that. I can let go any debt of my enemy when they wrong me, forgiving the need to apologize, restore what they took (like one's reputation), and forget the details of what they once did. I can offer them a Pepsi at the BBQ if they look thirsty, to show them an act of mercy, that they are forgiven, that I mean them peace.
That said, it is impossible to be friends with your enemy so long as said person continues to act as your enemy, does not admit their wrongdoing, does not say they are sorry for it, nor shows the intention of changing. In particular, so long as they pose a threat to your life, that is a threat to your peace of mind, social interactions with family or friends, your reputation in the community, the peace and stability of your home or work place, or pose some financial or material threat, they would in fact be your Enemy. Enemies like this abound for all of us in some shape or form. Whether a neighbor who disrespects your property, a tyrannical boss, a contemptuous coworker, or a gossipy parishioner.
Yet still, Our Lord teaches:
³⁸You have heard that it was said, "An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth." ³⁹But I say to you, Do not resist the one who is evil. But if anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. ⁴⁰And if anyone would sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. ⁴¹And if anyone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles. ⁴²Give to the one who begs from you, and do not refuse the one who would borrow from you." (Matthew 5:38–42)I think we all have to admit this teaching is not quite so simple to understand or apply. If your son comes home day after day with a black eye from the school bully, even after consulting ineffectively the school principal, are you really going to tell your kid that the next time Joey the Playground Bully punches him in the eye, he has to turn his head and let him punch him in the other eye? And then smile and offer him a Pepsi?
Therein lies the paradox. When are we justified in fighting our enemy? In not literally letting them commit the same wrong to you over and over again? Are we NEVER permitted under the moral law to insult our enemy to make a point or put them in their place? To ridicule the playground bully as a means of defending yourself AFTER he won't stop insulting you (and punching you)?
Not an easy Teaching, Lord. And not one clearly explained from the pulpit or confessional, in my experience.
I mean the above verse from St. Paul said "Keep peace with all men, where it is possible, for your part." That is, "where it is possible." That implies that sometimes it is not possible, and sometimes not possible despite your constant attempt at peace. Narcissists, bullies, war-mongers, tyrants of all forms, tend to not be receptive to peace. They still want to dominate, offend, abuse, and disrupt the world around them.
And yet, we have the Gospel, and the Epistles. We have the clear teaching to maintain peace with our Enemies, endure patiently their persecutions with kindness and care for them in return, even helping them with their material needs, if need be. This Teaching is as absolute and undeniable as is the Church's teaching on Transubstantiation, Original Sin, the Seven Sacraments, or the Infallibility of the Pope.
And yet, like those doctrines, this one is also a mystery. One that I must continue to inform my conscience about. To know when it is justified and necessary to fight, and what weapons are at my disposal. When I get a call from an aggressive telemarketer, I like to playfully turn the tables on them and ask them about their personal finances, address, phone number. Its pretty funny the way I do it. I act confused and talk like a red neck hillbilly until I finally say "I'm just messin' with ya. Have a nice day." It teaches them a lesson, but to do so I have to annoy them a little.