Wednesday, July 6, 2022

I am Now Self-Identifying as a Unicorn

So like just to let all my friends know, like, in the online community, which is like my true family, which is all about love and acceptance, I recently came out as a unicorn.  I tell people I am a magical horse that can fly with one long horn coming out of my forehead, even though the fascist doctor at my birth, like, didn't assign me as a horse, and I don't have a physical, biological horn growing out of my head, even though I self-identify as having a horn, after a long process of therapeutic discernment with my school counselor.  So just to let you know, I take offense to be called a human, with any human pronouns, and require unicorn only names, otherwise I will treat that as malignant harassment based on my species preference, reportable to law enforcement. And I need at least six feet of social distancing so my horn doesn't bang into people or things when in public, and a bathroom for unicorns, or that would like be discrimination. If you don't accept me for who I am, I will expose you online as being queer-phobic and you will never be hired again in a job, except maybe in rural Oklahoma, but probably not even there. So yeah.