My blog stats vary, but daily views average around 150/day. If 5% of the population is in a state of horrible suffering, that’d come out to 7-8 of those daily viewers in that category. I want to talk to you in this post. Another tier deals with a lot of suffering but less so, or cares for people in horrible suffering, or has been affected one way or another by them, likewise able to relate to this post.
By horrible suffering I’m talking about people dealing with an extreme, extraordinary state of pain, loss, illness, economic hardship, destitution, psychological or physical abuse, death of someone close, and the like.
For example, odds are a reader of this is dealing with chronic, debilitating physical pain that overshadows their daily life. For example, I know of a woman whose dentist accidentally cut a nerve resulting in daily, extreme nerve pain across her face, this in addition to pain down one leg and arm after a stroke, and a specific pain across one shoulder after her clavicle was removed.
She woke up every day in a constant, consuming pain across her face and body. I remember she said the hardest pain was the facial nerve pain which could be very sharp. But she continued on as a housewife and mother, and as a devout traditional Catholic.
I know a man with severe tinnitus, so severe it resulted in chronic, major depression and suicidal thoughts, affecting his ability to succeed in work, etc, tinnitus and clinical depression being two of the worst conditions you can have. I can testify to that as I deal with both myself.
As for myself, as a reminder, the last five to six months I’ve had constant nerve and muscle pain in both arms and legs, down my back, especially the lower back, in addition to an already chronic pain condition in my face from a nerve injury that left my face numb, the trigeminal nerve branches in constant nerve pain, and as a result a constant state of muscle cramping across my entire face, the last six years.
If there is no God, no after life, no spiritual purpose for suffering, if you have no one to live for that you love, under those hypotheticals one could easily consider ending their life, when the horrible suffering seems too large to bear. On a purely biological and psychological level. But there is a God who will judge us, a hell, suicide leading to hell or a high likelihood of hell, which will certainly devastate the lives of surviving loved ones, and can absolutely never be an option.
That leaves us with the raw truth that all horrible suffering is redemptive, and part of God’s narrow path to heaven for that person, and in part for their loved ones.
In this kind of state, it seems imperative simply to endure and persevere to the end, to hold on tightly to life, and to carry out your duties of state to the best of your ability, however limited your abilities have become.
You read about these stories of a mother of eight children losing her husband early to cancer, with the shock of widowhood and raising a large family on her own. And there is always an easy way out, to give her kids up to the DHS and become a destitute alcoholic. But she is a hero simply for rolling out of bed every morning, feeding her kids, sending them off to school, and going and working a job to pay the bills. Despite her grief even if she is in a deep state of grief, to the best of her ability.
Most people reading this have not yet experienced the level of suffering I’m talking about. I can recall having never experienced chronic, debilitating pain, despite other health problems which by comparison seemed like a good bill of health. It is something you only know could happen in the abstract, but don’t feel the raw harshness if it until you experience it. I think most will end up experiencing this at some point in their life, or by old age when serious illness sets in for many. Or when you die and go to purgatory.
In any case, there is an awful awakening that takes place once you enter into that kind of state, especially if for the first time. It turns your world upside down. Your ordinary list of goals fades into the distant background. New goals emerge centered on how to cope with the new state. You’re forced into an extraordinary state of mind, almost a daze, necessarily tuning out a lot of things you normally pay attention to. The situation in a way forces you into a higher existential plane of near constant wrestling with the new situation.
This is what I’m going through, while still hoping to improve and recover on some level. I went through a similar health crisis six years ago that felt like near constant hell, that by some wonder completely resolved after six months, but I’ve peered into the burning furnace of physical punishment for sun now twice. At 48, I expect probably other serious medical conditions one day down the road, my own mothers passing, and innumerable hardships into the future, enough to remind me of those timeless questions about how a good God can will His children to endure some of the worst forms of misery.
It is better to suffer now than after we die. The more suffering God wants for us, in the grand picture it is more of a blessing than all the comforts and successes of this world. According to the Catholic Church, and the testimonies of the saints.
All for the greater glory of God. And to save our souls.
PS If you’re dealing with a heavy cross and want to talk, and need prayers, feel free to email me at JoseohOstermir@gmail.com